Love and Life

Change: The Process

Change comes when it hurts so much that you have to change, when you learn so much that you want to change, and when you receive so much that you welcome change. Usually, we don’t change until the pain of staying the same becomes unbearable.

Personal Change

For change to occur, a catalyst must be involved. Change is usually provoked or catalyzed, when a particular behavioral pattern becomes extremely toxic or detrimental to a person’s physical and mental wellbeing.

Sometimes, we need something hard to hit us in a soft spot before we realize the need for change. This provokes an initial change.

However, the real test of growth and change, is when in recurring cases, or conveniently tempting situations, you’re able to withstand your ground and remain unmovable.

Which shows; “I’ve learnt enough, and understood the basis for my new stand, and that’s enough to keep me going, no matter the ease or convenience of the indulgence.”

Its when you’ve soaked your heart, and your spirit with enough evidence, and proof to uphold your new stand.

Such change is not just based on the pain caused temporarily by embarrassment.

Until we see the need for change, we usually won’t begin the process of change.

True change, comes when light breaks forth. When understanding illuminates your mind, and your eyes gain clarity.

Personal change is initiated by hurt, propelled by learning, fulfilled by understanding.

Hitting rock bottom, a low the lowest point; that point often acts as a catalyst for change (perhaps a radical one), to propel a person forward…

One good thing I’ve learnt about hitting rock bottom, is that there’s only one Way to go: UP!

Lasting change comes not just by changing an habit, but by understanding the need for change.


People Change

It’s become a norm to hear statements like; “oh he or she wasn’t like that before, I don’t know what happened, they just changed”.

I would say that people rarely change. People are often who they are, and they sometimes show you exactly who they are from the onset.

They didn’t “suddenly change”, that’s a myth.

“Love is a cocktail mix of emotions”. This statement is a school of thought; that love is a happy drug.

The feelings of love are known to release hormones and chemical signals that leave a person in a state of ecstasy and euphoria. It often compromises the ability to make sound judgment.

Change is often subtle, but we sometimes choose to be blind or not take notice, choosing instead to believe what we want.

The Science of love, shows that 9/10 months after, things that have been overlooked, become more apparent. As the emotions are dwindling, infatuation fades away. The problems have always been there, only now glaring.

I find it unwise to get into association with people, hoping or expecting you can change them, from their core values, belief systems and behavioral patterns.

With people, it’s a choice to accept them for who they are or not, but trying to change them to something else, or who they’re not, can become an endless struggle.

Harsh it may sound, but people change because they want to change, not because they were made to. External influences might force a temporary change. However, Change begins on an individual level, from within. That’s the kind of change that lasts.

The mentality of “oh, I can change them” sadly, has bound people in lots of toxic relationships, and unhealthy associations where codependency is a highlight. I don’t believe the capacity to change others lies within any human, only God has that kind of power.

Afraid the love boat along life’s shore would pass you by, so you jump in, only for the boat to sink and almost drown you, and you barely make it back alive the shore…

Love is not one chance, it’s not a once in a lifetime occurrence or phenomenon. While we don’t fall in love everyday… Love happens more than once in a lifetime…

TRUST THE PATTERNS. Signs are always there, showing themselves in patterns of human behavior, subtle they might be, yet they are there, clearly visible to the discerning eyes.

Choose to PAY attention from the very first time, from the first hint of a toxic behavior. You might write it off as a mistake, but like I say;

“A mistake is a one time event, a pattern is a series of similar happenings”.

Wondering if it’s a slip of character or the real person? Watch and see if it happens again.

One thing that I’ve learnt, is that you can always trust humans to be consistent to their true character (nature). It may be hidden or masked by pretense, but it can only hide for so long. It eventually oozes out of a person. Behavior patterns do not lie, they show you the truth.

Love and Grace,

Zizi.

5 thoughts on “Change: The Process”

    1. That’s very true. Uncertainty can be really daunting. However, as individuals we shouldn’t let that hold us back. We would never know what outcome we would get if we never even try.

      Liked by 1 person

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