The older I grow, the more I realise I need less friends. I believe myself to be very friendly and jovial. I make new friends easily. But I’m also discovering the need for less of quantity and more of quality. The need for true quality friends. I’d rather have just one loyal friend, than a thousand fake ones.
Association is not by force. It shouldn’t and should never be.
I spent the better part of yesterday and today reflecting, and a lot of thoughts cropped up in my mind that I would like to share with you.
I’ve been seriously thinking and rethinking my associations in recent times, the ones that have been steady, the new ones gained, and particularly the ones lost.
A lot come and go, connections fizzle out, we outgrow the need for each other and form new bonds and associations with others.
Like the saying goes – “20 friends may not play together for 20 years”.
It’s frightening and scary how shallow associations these days have become.
How easy it is to unfriend, unfollow and in the most extreme method, block a person.
These things used to hurt me and sometimes I’d be shocked at the occurrence, or just sad while I mourn the death of a friendship, wondering how it all subtly drifted apart…
However, the truth is that association is a choice, there is freedom in it.
Still I find it rather harsh and drastic how easy it is to cut off a person with just a few clicks of a button or by simply pressing “delete contact”. But this is the reality of our existence as 21st century humans.
In all this, I’ve realized one thing: Life is a big shuffle, and we’re all in it. We shuffle our friends, acquaintances and associations. While we lose some, we inevitably gain others, and that really is okay.
Life is a journey of different phases, and we all cannot thread and walk the same path together. No matter how much we want to, or even try. With each phase of the journey, there are associations you need, those designed, fortified and equipped to help you along that path.
The same set of associations however, may not go through every phase of your life with you, and that’s okay. It really is.
In learning that people change, know that values also change. Therefore, what was once important, and mutually beneficial, no longer is.
For those who’ve left, it can be painful and hurting, but remember this, they’re also on their own individual journey through life and you can’t go with them each and every step of it. So wish them well on their path, rather than resent them for their choice. You might argue that it wasn’t mutual, and was without your consent but also remember that, everyone has the right to decide what’s best for them, whether or not you agree with their choice or like it, you should respect it.
If your circle doesn’t change, maybe you’re not growing, but instead stagnant.
So I regularly detox my relationships. Some lose me and I lose some, it’s the way of life.
Most people tend to choose their associations by value. How much value they can derive from someone.
So ask yourself, are you a value-adding friend? Also ask, are your friends adding value to you?
I implore you to reposition yourself based on these answers and re-align yourself according to your associations for they play a huge part in furthering along your journey through life.
While I’m presently decluttering my physical, mental, and emotional space, actively blocking out negativity, eliminating bad energy, and removing unhelpful tools, I ask that you do some aggressive de-weeding in the garden of your life. Pluck out the weeds and thorns, else they choke out the vital nutrients required for your flowers to bloom and bring forth beautiful fruit.
Love and Grace,
© Zizi 2020.