This is an open letter to my friend that passed a while back.
While it seemed like I moved on with life after your demise,
I never for one day forgot about you. You’re much too precious a person to ever forget.
Though sadly now, all I have are memories to cling to, and a few regrets haunting my dreams.
I see you in my daydreams and nightmares now more than ever, and I only miss you so much more.
I want to stop and arrest the thoughts of If Only…
I only want to bask in the goodness of the memories we shared together and your precious moments here with us...
Till we meet again dear Adavize,
No, it’s not your birthday or death anniversary, I only choose to cherish you much more today and always,
Your friend without bounds,
I’m spiralling… Down the rabbit hole of depression and mournful crying once again over the loss of love and friendship. It all happened within the space of a month and it seemed too much to bear at the time.
I have found every episode or situational experience to always be a learning opportunity. Life’s a learning curve.
A soulful expression is healthy. It is of great importance and added value to emotional health.
I talk a lot about mental health, but emotional health isn’t to be overlooked or undermined. It’s important to be strong mentally and emotionally, however, we tend to also misinterpret what such strength represents.
Whether, angry, sad, in love, whatever it is, its good to find a healthy form of expression.
Suppressed and repressed emotions, end up being a source of toxicity. It’s simply toxic to bottle up everything. You would find that expressed emotions, when done properly make you happier, help you feel lighter for emotions can be burdensome when held in denial or for pretending to be strong, being something other than authentically you.
They can weigh heavily on the soul, and none of us is meant to carry that. It’s unnecessary cardiac exercise and those overextended cardiac muscles could lead to an explosive or eruptive tendency, and these oft turn out bad. Another possible outcome is atrophy of those muscles in a case scenario such that you find it difficult to properly process emotions or feel much of anything.
I stopped being vulnerable with my posts, my blog, my writing. I used to think being emotional made me weak. Hence, I detached myself. But No, I was dead wrong! My emotions make me strong, they make me unique just like Jean Grey said in Dark Phoenix. My emotions aren’t a burden, but a source of power. Helping me connect with others. I thought I was protecting myself from being hurt, rejected, taken for granted or being taken advantage of, as I hate this.
Thinking ahead, I have vowed henceforth to be nothing less than my very and utmost authentic self. I owe myself that.
For there is strength in control and soulful expressions. Life is not meant to and should never be lived in the “what ifs” and “if only”, those just leave you weighed down and continually perturbed by regrets.
While we live in the moment, and hopefully anticipate the future, we choose to accept the equal risks that a choice, decision poses an opportunity for joy or pain. This is what makes life worth living.
Some choices only give you the hope for a potential outcome while some are clearer in their patterns. Happiness is a habit, a choice. Choose it every day, for you can only be responsible for those things in which you have a definite power of choice over.
Love and Grace,
© Zizi 2020
Read also: Endless Unknown Possibilities…