Endless Unknown Possibilities…

The singular thought that weighs the soul down in time of grief…

The mind boggling thoughts of uncertainties, what ifs, unanswered questions. Really, questions you’d never know the answers to.

You find yourself going back in time, rewinding time in your mind, trying to picture alternate possibilities and realities…
Wondering… Pondering…

Until you find yourself stuck down memory lane. Unable to let go of what was, accept what is…

We’re stuck in time between a past that was and a future that will never be. Wishing time machines were a real thing. I mean, that would have been super, it’d have been great…
Weighed down by the thought that if only we knew, we’d have done so and so…

But guess what? No one ever really, truly knows…
For I have found that grief, tragedy that’s anticipated, still hits like a bomb, like a Shockwave, it shakes you to the marrow…
Knowing in advance really doesn’t make it any better… But it would have changed some of our actions…

So, I choose to live without bounds, to live deliberately, without regrets. To live fully, to do all and everything I want to do without holding back.

To cherish love, friendship, relationship.
In essence, life itself. I won’t hold back on life anymore. I’d give her my all. I won’t live and hide in fear.
I won’t be a coward protecting myself from assumed pain…
I would love fearlessly. Knowing love could or might hurt, I would love anyway.

At the end of the day, we can’t blame anyone really for our actions and choices. We own 100% responsibility for what we choose. It’s all on us.

When we protect ourselves from hurt and pain, by hiding in a shell, we not only avoid the pain, we lose out on the joy that could have been as well…
We think ourselves fragile as an egg, easily broken and unfixable… But we’re not. We’re far stronger than we give ourselves credit for…

Life is a mixture, we live in an imperfect universe that’s a perfect blend of joy and pain. Life’s a Ying-Yang relationship… You can’t choose the good and leave out the bad… We have to live accepting both…

Most of all, I’ve learnt that it is okay. It’s really okay not to know. It’s okay not to know all the answers to so many questions…
It’s okay to live in, and to cherish the present, celebrate the past and anticipate the future. To remember memories fondly, to not forget…

Time is the currency of life. Spend it doing what you love and with who you love. They’re moments cherished forever.

Love and Grace,

© Zizi 2019