This is the third and final post I’ll be writing in the love lessons category on the blog.
To read the previous posts, click here.
Now to the main gist.
You might have heard and perhaps read previous articles on how love is sacrifice, or rather the sacrifice that love is.
But before I delve into how this applies to our everyday life and regular human relationships, I would like to digress upward.
As humans, we are privileged to experience two major kinds of love in our lifetime – vertical and horizontal.
Vertical representing a God-man relationship while the horizontal kind encompasses all forms of relationship with our fellow humans.
One thing to note is that:
To enjoy a thriving, God-honouring relationship with any human, we must already be deeply rooted in a satisfying one with God.
I know some might beg to differ, but the horizontal love takes its source from the vertical kind. Like gravity, holding you to the ground, it centres you, pointing you to the core purpose of your existence.
We know that love is giving, expressed not only in words but necessarily backed up by actions. Looking to give more than it seeks to take. Being selfless and thoughtful, always seeking the greater good.
The sacrifice that love is, is a voluntary one. A choice of the will, done just because, in an unconditional manner, regardless of circumstance.
I know all this sounds like a tall order. Something weighty and perhaps burdensome to think about and express. But it’s made easier when we rely not on our individual strength, but on that of a higher being, the one who’s love defined and personified – Christ.
Sacrifice, the measure of it, the weight of it, what it’ll cost you, is the true measure of love.
The ultimate form of expression of love is how much you’re willing to sacrifice for it.
Behind every sacrificial act, should be a higher purpose. To what end is it? For your gain, to the detriment of self and others, or the advancement of both.
Sacrifice is a test of love.
The love test called sacrifice, often becomes a breaking point for most couples. It is a litmus test that examines the strength of the love fondly claimed and professed for one another.
Romantic love often has an ulterior motive of what it hopes to obtain in return.
On this point, I would like to enunciate that the workings or mechanism of romantic love is based on RECIPROCITY: two people mutually giving of themselves to the other.
Reciprocity is it’s life blood, once this becomes missing or absent, the relationship between a couple begins to die gradually.
It is therefore of utmost importance that whatever selfless sacrifice, or giving of yourself in any form either material or immaterial, made in the name of love (romantic) should be reciprocal.
Now I don’t want us getting confused about this. Remember I said love should be sacrificial and unconditional, when I emphasise on reciprocity, I don’t mean equal in weight and measure, but value.
For a love relationship to thrive, there should be give and take, giving what is equally valuable to the other party.
Love means different things to different people and the way you want to be loved or interpret love, might be vastly different from the way a significant other would.
This brings us to love languages. You need to learn to speak not just yours (telling your partner how you want to be loved), but also speaking that of your partner (how they want to be loved).
I’d briefly highlight the five love languages according to Gary Chapman:
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
Whatever sacrifice done without speaking the right or appropriate language is in vain.
Sacrifice is for each other, to each other, to foster something that works; a long-lasting commitment to a relationship.
Its costly, but you determine the cost. Seek to give your 100%, by all means do. But if all you’re getting back is 1%, this calls for a checkmate.
Love and Grace,
© Zizi 2020.
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