There was a conversation amidst a couple of friends, and it revolved around marriage, getting a man and all…
I was mute for pretty much the entire conversation. My friend thought my silence to represent disinterest or inattention.
For me, I was in a different headspace, my mindset varying; my mind set on other things.
For lack of a better word, I was “unbothered”. I had a epiphany about it and would like to share…
Bisi has always dreamed of starting a new life abroad after finishing her undergraduate studies.
To her, she was single and thus not in any committed relationship to a man. She felt this truly gave her freedom to pursue her dreams.
She thought that if a man came into her life before the actualization of that dream, she’ll give up on it and stay in Nigeria. The folly in that decision, she was yet to discover…
Here comes Toba, the man of her dreams. She meets him and thus stops working on those plans and dreams.
She decides to stay with her man, and work to build a relationship, with the hopes of it leading to marriage, and settling down here with the man.
Unbeknownst to her, Toba has been fostering his own dreams of furthering his studies abroad, and thus settling down there. His plans eventually materialize, and he travels, leaving her to pursue his dreams.
Due to the strain of the long-distance on the relationship, it ends sadly. Now she’s left with nothing; no man, no dreams. Just broken promises, regrets and unfulfilled desires.
Had she followed her life’s plans and dreams, regardless of the presence of a man in her life, she’d at least be happy.
The man that’s truly meant to be yours, will come along the way of you living out your dreams and fulfilling your purpose.
Nothing good comes from putting your life on hold…
Life doesn’t start when a man comes along, no it starts even when you’re single.
Live life, and if a beautiful man comes along, who wants to share his with yours, and whose life plans converge, rather than completely disrupt yours, then by all means do. Follow that man who paints a picture or dream of a future you’d love to live and align yourself with. You must be able to get behind his vision.
In life and in love, whatever vision you can’t get behind, don’t bother trying to follow, as you would end up frustrated and feeling regretful (whether it be a man or company)
– Zizi 2019
A relationship isn’t meant to fulfill you, it isn’t meant to be the only thing in your life to make you happy; but pursuing your dreams does that.
The only man deserving of consideration or compromise when it comes to your dreams is your husband, not your fiancee, and not even your boyfriend.
And the truth is, a husband that truly loves you, will do his best to foster your dreams and ambitions, not pull them down.
In the end, do what makes you happy do right by you, live a life without making regretful decisions as much as you can, because time lost is impossible to regain and not every broken dream can be restarted…
It’s said that it’s never too late to start over/start again. I say why wait to test the waters and make mistakes. Don’t live life by trial and error. Seek divine wisdom in every decision-making process.
We often listen to others tell us what the norm is, the status quo, and thus we’re afraid to break that barrier due to uncertainty of what possibly lies ahead, the outcomes…
But who are we, if we don’t listen to the inner voice within, that speaks to our individual self…
Love and Grace,