I remember a point in my life where I couldn’t quite say “NO”. I hadn’t understood or harnessed it’s power. The freedom and liberation it brings. I often found myself saying so many yeses, to things quite unacceptable for me. Agreeing to tasks, offers, requests, responsibilities and all sorts of financial commitments. In the end, it cost me greatly. I was overextending myself, getting burnt out… Sometimes unable to do it all…
Here are a few of the tips I’ve learnt along life’s way:
– Don’t say yes when you’re desperate or insecure (when you think this is the best, you’re afraid of regret, you’re tired of waiting for something better, you just want something/anything, you don’t think you’re worthy/deserve better…)
– Don’t say yes out of fear (of people, life, consequences etc).
– Don’t say yes when in doubt (most decisions aren’t impromptu, not all questions/request need an immediate response. If you’re not sure, ask for time and think on it, weigh the pros and cons, figure out what your intuition is telling you, and be sure it won’t be a decision that will come bite you in future. Estimate the cost; financial, emotional and psychological. Be sure it’s one you can bear without regrets in the long run).
The Only time you should absolutely say yes is not when you’re pushed, coaxed, cajoled, or emotionally blackmailed…
You should only say yes when saying yes gives you joy and peace. When it fills your heart with love and anticipation.
Fear, trepidation is a red flag and bad sign. Analyze it and see if it’s rational or not, if it’s worth stopping (taking a step back) or going ahead. Whatever it is, it’s your choice.
Don’t be pressured by others, because they won’t be there to share any pain, burden or consequences from your choices. It’s all on you.
Nothing weighs heavier than the weight of a bad decision.
The perceived need to live up to certain expectations from others, stem from an approval addiction (an unhealthy need for affirmation or validation). It can be toxic (leaving you frustrated, unfulfilled, worn out, from having to please others). The number one person you need to please is God.
It’s not a bad thing trying to please people in itself, the exception is when it is done to your detriment, it robs you of your peace of mind and depletes you.
In learning how to say no, to the things that are either detrimental to your soul or wellbeing, the principle of emotional maturity need be applied.
Emotional maturity, being the ability to express yourself, (verbally and non-verbally) in a way that effectively communicates your thoughts and feelings, in a sensitive and respectable manner (one that doesn’t lead to strain or strife, in which your motive is properly understood; doesn’t leave room for misunderstanding or misinterpretation, it is clear in intention).
Love and Grace,
© Zizi 2019
I’d love to hear your thoughts below, please feel free to comment, like and share. Thanks, Gracias 🙏🙇